A New New Year

As New Year rolls around I always seem to forget that New Years resolutions  are absolutely a thing. And each year I inevitably try at the last minute to think  of some goal I can reasonably attempt to achieve before  the end of my next full circle around the sun.

From what I've seen, there are two camps of thought to this concept. The first is the idea of total renewal, the whole "New Year, New Me" concept. This is the idea of rebirth, in the new year, a chance to shed off the negativity and weight of the previous year and have a chance to start anew and do better. From my experiences, this tends to follow with the more classical selection of resolutions--- eat healthier, lose weight, do ______ more or less, that sort of thing.

The second camp of thinking takes a bit more of a logical and factual approach. It's the idea that New Years is just a human concept anyway, each day, in the entirety of the universe, is just another normal day, and that change has nothing to do with the calendar, and there for can only come from within.

I find myself somewhere between these two ideas. I'm admittedly flaky, I'm horrible at finishing things and if I ever say with 100% certainty I'm going to get some kind of task accomplished, you can probably bet it's either  not going to happen or not on time. I really don't know why that is, but apparently my mind has some kind of mental block to any kind of structure or planning, I'm better off just doing things on the fly and giving myself a pat on the back later for taking initiative to get something done.

But with this being said, I have some arguments with the whole concept of "another day is just another day." I mean sure, that's true, but as humans we are  creatures of habit and creatures  of calendar and so without some higher order of organization our brains seem to struggle to be efficient. You never hear people brag that they've lost track of the date, it's always  "I don't even know what day it is!!!!"

Get ready to deal with this struggle again for the next  six months  

But look at the difference you feel on a Saturday verses a Sunday, one definitely tends to be a little bit sweeter. The new  year is a  lot like the real world version  of a  new semester, if nothing else it's at the very least a good excuse for people to hit their own reset button. I think it's the refreshing feeling that comes with deciding to let go of bad decisions or regret, something I know I personally  struggle just doing on my own accord. While normally the turn of the year doesn't particularly bring any big changes for me, this year felt different. Probably because 2016 completely BLEW.

I'm not going to put either of us through the rigorous torture of recounting the many events that made the year a cumulative shit show, but I'm sure you have your list and I have mine, and if I had to venture a guess I would be willing to bet that a number of those things more than likely cross over on the "This Year Is Absolute Garbage" venn diagram. I guess we can all maybe take peace in the unity that seemed to unite everyone, the unity of commiseration. But 2016 had 365 days to beat the crap out of us, and so I'd rather not humor it anymore. This isn't to say that there weren't some really awesome things that happened this year, because there definitely were, but I'd be lying if I said that's the way I'm remembering the year as it casts its one-finger salute into the grave.

So where does that leave us in relation to resolutions and planning to do better? I will say that one thing I left the year with was a new sense of power and possibility. I feel like the struggles and also the joys of the previous year have done a great job exemplifying the fact that while sometimes things may go to crap, the cool thing is there['s still an infinite amount of excitement and possibility to reach on the other side. More importantly, those bad things happen and maybe it's just possibly possible to make it out on the other side.

Actual photo summation of 2016

So what are my plans for the new year? Not to make too many plans. As I get older I'm beginning to wonder how much stress I manage to cause myself by over planning some things and under planning for others. I'm not going to set any quantitative scale or quotient to meet because I know at the point I'm just setting myself up for failure. Instead, I have some ideas for the blueprint of what I'd like this next year to look like, and I'm going to share these things with you and hope maybe you will steal some of them for yourself. 

1.) See my horse more. 

Okay so maybe this is sort of quantitative, and for the majority of the year this wasn't an issue! Even when I broke my foot in January (should have known then...) I was still seeing my horse pretty regularly, boot and all. The problem came when I let stress get in the way, and then I felt guilt for not seeing him more, which made me feel guilt when I DID go see him, which made me make excuses to not go out. I felt like such a bad horse mom, and closing out my year this has been the hardest thing for me to admit. But, low and behold, today Brianna and I went out, spent time with the ponies, rode and I feel fantastic. So this year I'm not going to let me be my own enemy when it comes to doing things that make me happy. Which brings me too... 

2.) Not feeling bad for feeling bad.

Guess what? If you feel depressed, or have anxiety, or any other type of mental illness, you're allowed to feel shitty. Really. Like really, really. You're allowed to not want to leave the house sometimes, you're allowed to not always love everything, and you're allowed to feel miserable. That doesn't make you a bad student/parent/employee/human/etc. I plan this year to be better at addressing my own needs, and being honest when I'm struggling with things. It's okay to ask for help, and if you need it you should too! 

3.)  Keep my momentum for building the future (but not at the expense of losing the now).

As more posts come out of this blog I plan to talk quite a bit about the horses and the goats and my plan for the future and my path to agricultural bliss. In short, I have spent much of the end of this year studying, planning and working toward goals to make the future I want more obtainable and I want to keep on that. I finally have reached a point where the things I want aren't a distant impossibility, and that thirst to move closer drives me every day. There's nothing like feeling yourself put together the pieces of your future bit by bit. 

Things to be thankful for: An amazing man who has learned to love goats

4.) Reach out to friends more. 

I have a number of friends who will probably read this who have been with me through all of the major highs and lows of this past year and have been so undyingly supportive it's almost painful! They push me to do the things I love, they support the life I lead, and they let me be the very strange and eccentric person I am with no fear of rejection. From late night ice cream runs, to in-apartment dinners and everything in between, I couldn't be more thankful for them. They are the extending limb of my family and I look forward to all the great times in store for us in the next year. 

I thought about closing this out at a solid five but I think the even four just about cover it. It's funny... Making this blog post I went through my pictures of the year and realized a LOT of really great, amazing, incredible, life changing and important things happened in 2016. Funny how perception changes attitudes right? 

5.) Be thankful. Every single day. 

I hope you all have the very best and most wonderful years in 2017. Bad things will happen, sometimes stuff will suck, but I believe in you! Good things will happen to and they will be wonderful. So farewell 2016, and hello to a very shiny New Year!!!